my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
