She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would ride that face into the sunset
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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