I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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