I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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