You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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