Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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