I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you didnt know i had herpes?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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