So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So squirting runs in the family.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
