Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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