I wish I only lived at night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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