I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
that is very illegal...i love you.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
