i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
