They should really pass out barf bags in church
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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