Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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