I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
