why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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