Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
