I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
