We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
