his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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