No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
