My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
