You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just invented taco cereal.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
