When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I touched a dick in church today
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
