so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
