My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
