So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
