my vag is so smooth its legendary
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
