my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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