I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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