dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I wear drunk well.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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