Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You are a genius and a whore.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
