I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
