if only i could text you this smell
I wish i was in the wii world.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
