Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm like, not good at living.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
