im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
