It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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