I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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