I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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