I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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