You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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