is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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