the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
