I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
