get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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