____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Damn victory sex feels great
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
