just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
