you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
