He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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