the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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