Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
then he tried to convert me to islam
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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