If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
