He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
