I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You ruined the universe
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
