the day after is always just damage control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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