she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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