I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
