I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
